ARC Review: Talker 25 by Joshua McCune

Talker 25 by Joshua McCune
Series: Talker 25 #1
Release Date: April 22nd 2014
Publisher: Greenwillow
Source: Edelweiss
Pre-Order: Amazon | Book Depository

Goodreads Summary

It's a high school prank gone horribly wrong-sneaking onto the rez to pose next to a sleeping dragon-and now senior Melissa Callahan has become an unsuspecting pawn in a war between Man and Monster, between family and friends and the dragons she has despised her whole life. Chilling, epic, and wholly original, this debut novel imagines a North America where dragons are kept on reservations, where strict blackout rules are obeyed no matter the cost, where the highly weaponized military operates in chilling secret, and where a gruesome television show called Kissing Dragons unites the population. Joshua McCune's debut novel offers action, adventure, fantasy, and a reimagining of popular dragon lore.

This book is a big fat joke and I really wish I hadn’t been drawn to it because of it's pretty cover. I should have learned my lesson but I never do. Plus I decided to not read any of the reviews which could have prevented me from wasting the painfully long time it took me to read this book.

At first there was some potential. The first couple of pages made me think this book stood a chance and could either blow my mind or go down the drain. It took the latter path. The first time I knew this book was a goner was when the main character referred to her friend’s appearance as ‘the whore look’. Slut shamming right there and it happened so many more times. There wasn’t only slut shamming though, there were so many instances where female characters were mocked for various things.

Melissa falls under the teenagers that I’d like to slap category. She is self-centered and insensitive. She yells at her father and brother all the time and goes so far as to publicly humiliate her younger brother. Sure it was an accident but just because you’re fucking stressed doesn’t mean you have the right to take your anger on whoever the hell you want to. Melissa, like any other annoying ass teenager out there, swoons when she encounters a hot guy. Never mind the fact that the government thinks she is an insurgent and will most likely arrest her.

The insurgents are stupid. They are supposed to be rebels. They support the dragons and you know what? These shit heads aren’t rebels. They are kiss-assesses. They kiss up to dragons and try to win their favor. I am not kidding. The dragons are apparently self-sufficient so I don’t even understand why they need humans to help them. I don’t think the dragons even care. Like seriously. This is basically what the insurgents are like when it comes to dragons.

They fawn over them but aside from that, they don’t know shit.

The James dude, the love interest is equally as annoying.

“Probably. I don’t know. If you don’t face death every once in a while, how do you know how to live?”

It reminds me of a book I read a while ago, The Wicked We Have Done. The book referred to this ideal as Chaos Theory and because of the events of that book, his ideas don’t make me think, they just piss me off. No. Going out of your way to look for trouble is only going to end up with you being dead. There is something known as self-preservation and I am not sure James has it. Thankfully though, he doesn’t play a major role in this book so I didn’t have to put up with his stupidity for too long (this also means that there wasn't much of a romance so yay for that too).

A lot of the instances of slut/woman shamming aren’t exactly portrayed in a negative light. They are supposed to come across as jokes but they didn’t. For example, this

"Claire, whose hairy legs could be very well belong to a sasquatch..”

I didn’t laugh. I might have if I was the sort of human who thought that all women should shave their legs because otherwise, they’re just disgusting freaks, but as it is, I DON’T! Melissa also called her friend at the ‘camp’ a whore, and of course it was playful because she is one. She uses her body to get alcohol. If you cannot tell, I am being sarcastic here. Instead of mocking and making fun of her friend, she should try to help her. If she is so dependent on alcohol, then there is obviously something wrong here. But no. The world revolves around Melissa and no one else matters.

There are other completely insensitive instances in this book. Like this one.

"..sitting all retarded in the restroom”

This sentence was used to refer to a girl who just died and they were trying to think of things to comfort themselves so that they wouldn’t feel so bad about her death. I cannot even. I seriously cannot. SO MUCH RAGE. SO SO SO MUCH RAGE.

The book is way too fast for the first 1/3^rd of the book with things happening one after the other and no time for readers to digest what is going on. The next 2/3rds slows down and kind of reminds me of some odd mix between The Program and The Hunger Games except with dragons. These kids are sent to Antarctica to be reconditioned so that they aren’t ‘dragon friendly’ anymore. The government is completely evil and for what reason I don’t understand. Of course humanity is going to freak out if a bunch of dragons came out of nowhere. Humans are not required to accommodate them. THEY SHOULD. They definitely should out of common courtesy but dragons are the strange species here and not humans (or the animals that inhabit the planet). Their presence could result in fractures in the ecosystem and a whole heap of other problems so I am not sure why the government is seen as evil (and also portrayed as evil in a very cartoonish way). Things are not so black and white and shouldn’t be portrayed as such. 

Also there is a weird TV show in this book which is why I said Hunger Games. These people are made to dress up and kill dragons to entertain the dragon hating public. *rolls eyes*. I don’t even know what to say to that.

The world building is very weak in this novel. The dragons came out of nowhere 15 years ago (the dragons don’t remember where they came from either), they are digging a giant pit in the middle of Kansas. Why? Also the dragons themselves make no sense. Their reproduction techniques remind me of flowers which just makes me go huh? On top of that, the ‘baby’ dragons remind me of giant puppies. The dragon in one scene goes so far as to ‘lick’ Melissa’s face a bazillion times. What? WHY? The adult dragons just reminds me of stuck up humans. We’re talking about dragons here and as someone who loves dragons, I am annoyed. There was a LOT of potential here for developing interesting dragons but the potential just went down the drain.

I ended up skimming huge chunks and even then it took me ages to read. This book dragged on and on and made me rage and even writing this review kind of makes me angry. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless you’re sure you're be able to handle it. I am pretty sure I won’t read the sequel unless I am feeling masochistic and decide I want to know what happens from this point onwards. 

Note that all quotes have been taken from an uncorrected proof and may be subject to change.

Review: The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter

The Goddess Test by Aimee Carter
Series: The Goddess Test, #1
Publisher: Harlequin Teen
Publication Date: April 19, 2011
Buy: Amazon | The Book Depository

Goodreads Summary

Every girl who had taken the test has died.
Now it's Kate's turn.

It's always been just Kate and her mom - and her mother is dying. Her last wish? To move back to her childhood home. So Kate's going to start at a new school with no friends, no other family and the fear that her mother won't live past the fall.

Then she meets Henry. Dark. Tortured. And mesmerizing. He claims to be Hades, god of the Underworld - and if she accepts his bargain, he'll keep her mother alive while Kate tries to pass seven tests.

Kate is sure he's crazy - until she sees him bring a girl back from the dead. Now saving her mother seems crazily possible. If she succeeds, she'll become Henry's future bride and a goddess.

If she fails...

I finally picked this book up because I was in a "mythology mood" and I thought this might be the read for me. Based on reviews and such, I was fairly excited about starting The Goddess Test. But...turns out that it really wasn't for me.

Let's start with Kate, shall we? Kate was... she was suffering from one of the greatest (and most fiendish!) of all book personality disorders - The Bella Syndrome. She was so whiny and self centered and I just couldn't fall for her as a character. She was so off-putting! To make matters worse, I found her to be very immature. I like for characters to have some semblance of personality, which is why I didn't like Kate. Her personality was as flat as the page it was written on.

The romance between Henry & Kate was also flat. At first, I felt like it had a little bit of potential...but. Can you say "Stockholm syndrome"? Because that's what was going on here. Henry was so morose and quiet, so we never really got to know him as a character. He really wasn't in The Goddess Test very much at all.

A lot of things didn't add up. And when I say "didn't add up", I mean that they really didn't. Maybe it made a little bit of sense in the end, but the things that made sense were ridiculous, and they pointed towards a fate (and plot point) that should have been obvious to Kate from the beginning, because I was sure questioning it.

I know that I've already talked about Kate a little, but I feel like she's worth revisiting. In the beginning, I was all set to like her. At about two chapters in, though, I was ready to kill her. She meets not one... but two boys that are "interested" in her within the first ten minutes. At the beginning of the second chapter, she begins the dreaded "pretty" speech. (I wasn't conventionally pretty, etc.) Then, suddenly, she has a "friend". Quite truthfully, I saw no development on the part of friendship. It was awkward.

At least there was no love triangle, though. That was a plus. You know what was a minus, though? The plot. I predicted most everything that happened. I wanted to be surprised, but... it wasn't meant to be. All in all, The Goddess Test just wasn't for me.

Death and the Girl Next Door by Darynda Jones (THIS IS A RANT)

Title: Death  and the Girl Next Door
Author: Darynda Jones
Series: Darklight #1
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press
Date Published: October 2, 2012

Goodreads Summary

Darynda Jones, author of The New York Times bestselling series that began with First Grave on the Right, brings us Death and the Girl Next Door, a thrilling Young Adult novel garnering high praise and early buzz from major authors

Ten years ago, Lorelei’s parents disappeared without a trace.  Raised by her grandparents and leaning on the support of her best friends, Lorelei is finally beginning to accept the fact that her parents are never coming home.  For Lorelei, life goes on.

High school is not quite as painful as she thinks it will be, and things are as normal as they can be.  Until the day the school’s designated loner, Cameron Lusk, begins to stalk her, turning up where she least expects it,  standing outside her house in the dark, night after night.  Things get even more complicated when a new guy—terrifying, tough, sexy Jared Kovach—comes to school.  Cameron and Jared instantly despise each other and Lorelei seems to be the reason for their animosity.  What does Jared know about her parents?  Why does Cameron tell Jared he can’t have Lorelei?  And what will any of them do when Death comes knocking for real?  Thrilling, sassy, sexy, and inventive, Darynda Jones’s first foray into the world of teens will leave readers eager for the next installment.

I have no idea why I read this.

It wasn’t the best decision in my life.. and it was probably one of those rare books where I felt  absolutely nothing towards the “hero". It's sad really. I like the guy who no one sees as a romantic interest but whatever that’s not the point. The point is that nothing happens in this book! There is no freaking plot just a bunch of random information thrown at us. And really? How does the angel of death fall in love? That makes no sense what so ever. SCREW LOGIC! I think that’s what the book was really about. And it pissed me off. I was also annoyed that both the main character and her friend always forget about Glitch and on top of that why would you put a love triangle in the book that doesn’t involve the main character. It really sucks really. Definitely not going to read the sequel (or if I do... call 911, I need a hospital).

Okay I probably made this book sound like crap but it isn’t really that bad… its just me and my issues with the whole angel and human falling in love without a good reason. Like really?? Your aura is so pretty I am going to fall in love with you and as for her? Oh you are so hot I am in love and oh my god you are an angel isn’t that super awesome? *shudders**takes a deep breath*

Note: Try Darynda's adult series (Charley Davidson), it's a million times better.

The Host Movie

So as we all know the Host recently came out as a movie... And I just wanted to share my thoughts about the crapness of the precious hours I've spent watching the horrible movie.

I cannot be the only one thinking that turning The Host by Stephenie Meyer into a movie was a big mistake. Right? I mean come one. Right…

I loved/liked the book, I thought it was a really good idea and I just liked it and I was gaining faith in Stephenie’s writing… Look at my review of the book here.

For starters, what is up with Saoirse Ronan (Plays Melanie/Wanda) in this movie… She looks like she’s about 12… Why was she picked to play this role? I have nothing against her personally but she isn’t the Mel that I’ve pictured. And her acting here is a little bit weird. Reminded me of Kristen Steward with her awkward stances, her posture, and the way she was acting around other people. Just no. Go be awkward somewhere else!

From the beginning I knew that this was going to be poop. The book itself is long and many things happen that need to be included for the story to make sense. Everything was rushed and too many things missing. Wanda didn’t make a connection with neither Ian nor Jamie which is key, without a connection to them she wouldn’t be there she’d be dead somewhere. There was no hate for Wanda not even from Kyle who was meant to be trying to kill her every chance he got but nope just one little I’m-going-to-kill-you scene. The one thing that I was happy with was the part where Wanda loses Mel in her head for three days. I would have flipped if this wasn’t in there or they somehow ruined this for me. That was one of my favourite bits in the book- although I feel bad for Ian the poor guy had to watch the girl he was falling in love with kiss the dude that the girl inside the girl was in love with. Erm yeah.

At least Max Irons and Jake Abel are hot. I guess that is a plus right? I mean imagine if they looked like trolls.

I don’t understand why there was such a hype and need for this to be a movie… Is it because of Twilight? Or did they just want to ruin the book for everyone?

The whole movie was just ugh. I don’t see how Wanda was played by Emily Browning at the very end… She is not someone that I would have picked to play her! At all, just no. Pick someone more Wanda like.

I still can’t get over how terrible the movie was! Too much stuff was missing, too many things were wrong, too many annoying bits. Another thing that annoyed me… The relationship with Wanda and Mel. Mel hates her and tells her so and within a minute she loves her and are sisters. Where was the bonding?! Who wrote the script for the movie like seriously. Do they not know that bonds need to be formed before you’re ready to go sacrifice yourself else?

Like seriously. What. Did. I. Watch.

Holy Mary and the donkey that carried her to Bethlehem I cannot believe I waited for this movie! I was so excited during the book to find out how they did some of my favourite scenes and they mucked all it up! 

 The movie was meant to be chocolate chip ice cream but instead we got mud covered in crap. 

It gets a star because of Max and Jake... No other reason!

Hidden by Marianne Curley

Title: Hidden
Author: Marianne Curley
Series: Avena #1
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA Childrens
Release Date: 25th June 2013
Pre-Order: Amazon

Goodreads Summary

For as long as Ebony can remember, she's been sheltered. Confined to her home in a secluded valley, home-schooled by her protective parents, and limited to a small circle of close friends. It's as if she's being hidden. But something is changing in Ebony. Something that can't be concealed. She's growing more beautiful by the day, she's freakishly strong, and then there's the fact that she's glowing.  
On one fateful night, Ebony meets Jordan and she's intensely drawn to him. It's as if something explodes inside of her--something that can be seen from the heavens. Ebony still doesn't know that she's a stolen angel, but now that the heavens have found her, they want her back.

I started this book with rather high hopes. I am not big on angel books because of bad experiences with them, but the summary of this book lured me in.

Oh god I don’t even know where to start with how terrible this book was. It broke my heart into little pieces. I was almost bawling by the end of it because it was so BAD!

For someone who is too lazy to read this whole rant. Here is what you need to know. The main character is involved in a love triangle where both the ‘romances’ are insta love.  

Now that I have that cleared up let’s start with the Ebony. I hate her.  By the end of the book all I was hoping for was the fact that she would die. She is a nightmare of a main character. She is extremely pathetic as well. In the beginning I didn’t think she was that bad.  When told she was adopted, she had the reaction I had been looking in all the other books where characters find out they are adopted, she asked why they couldn’t have told her earlier, because the fact that she was adopted wouldn’t change the fact that she loved them and that she knew they loved her, so why?  I was so glad that she wasn’t going to be a stupid main character but it was all a lie.

When Ebony first encounters Jordan, she starts rambling and then she stares in his eyes and she feels something. Ohmergerd. It was love at first sight. However, what happened in this encounter was that she accidently bumped into Jordan but because she is so strong he kind of goes smack against the wall. At some point during the conversation he states that she is strong and then she goes all awkward. Now what I don’t get is that is there something wrong with being strong? Girls cannot be strong?

Later on we found out that this connection they had was because she was his guardian angel. You cannot imagine my joy at that point. I thought this book was going to be everything I hoped Halo would have been. Where the girl goes around saving the guy’s ass and you know protecting him. Well the joke was on me because Jordan is about a hundred times smarter than this doofus.

Now then we must continue on to her stupidity. She wants answers yet when Jordan and Thane are actually trying to give them to her, she goes in denial and runs away from that. I mean when the dude Zavier comes she is intrigued, and even though her senses tells her to run away, she stays and listens to what he has to say but when it comes to Jordan and Thane. Nooo she just won’t listen. Does she have a thing for bad guys?

If I thought the whole situation with Jordan was insta-love.. I don’t know what I was talking about. The situation with Thane was insta-love redefined. Despite the fact she was so vary of Thane, when she actually meets him, its love at first sight again. She feels like she finally belongs. At this point I was hoping for lightening to strike and kill her or me. I was on the verge of tears because this book was so awful.

This girl needs to get serious help.

She spends a good part whining about finding her parents but when she actually meets the angels? She doesn’t even bother to tell them what she learned from them, because that couldn’t help at all could it?

She spends such a large portion in denial even though she’s the angel whereas Jordan, who is merely a human, is more open to the idea than she is. Talk about irony.

Now moving on to Jordan, who was our male lead and is also apparently not a love interest anymore. I didn’t like him at first. I was pretty sure he was crazy but he was so much better than Ebony, it’s ridiculous.

In the beginning of the book we see him get beaten up to death by someone who used to be his best friend and who he thought of like a brother. This dude ruined his whole life based on something that wasn’t even true and almost killed him but Jordan still feels bad for him and doesn’t want him to go to jail. I was pretty annoyed at this point because it doesn’t make sense at all. Oh it’s nice he is forgiving but justice is a big deal. The thing is he didn’t even try to fight when Adam was beating him up. Does he have no sense of self-preservation?

Jordan does become a whole lot smarter as the book goes on and he actually seems like a real teen to me. The author doesn’t present him as a tortured bad boy but someone with a bad past who is actually a nice person. Which is appreciated. What is not appreciated is the fact that the author spends so much time building his character just to throw in a love triangle and make his chances of actually getting the girl impossibly low. It makes no sense to me. I actually came to like Jordan. He made some stupid decisions but male leads like him in YA are kind of rare, he seems like a real teen but he isn’t completely stupid or an ass for that matter.

I also hate how Jordan is smarter than Ebony. Ebony is his guardian angel for crying out loud, yet he is the one comforting her and trying to make her understand. It’s like Halo all over again except its better. All I want is a book where for once the girl will be the one kicking ass and protecting the guy. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to want a female lead who isn’t stupid and isn’t busy dreaming about guys?

The thing is the whole love triangle thing would have been a whole lot more bearable if both the relationships were developed, but none of them were. They are both based on some E.T. (for the lack of a better term) connections and none of the characters actually put in the effort to learn anything about each other.  (Not counting Jordan and Thane’s relationship).

Amber is really flat character. She was a major part of the book or otherwise I wouldn’t have even brought her up. I mean she is supporting and what not but there is nothing else to her. There is no depth.

Thane. Now I liked Thane when it was just him and Jordan, when Ebony steps into the picture he just becomes a love sick puppy who forgets all about Jordan. It’s ridiculous.  I don’t even know what’s so special about her and I think Jordan deserves a lot better than a whiny little girl.  Jordan and Thane probably had the strongest relationship in the book now that think about it. They actually get to know each other. Ooo I have an idea.. how about Jordan and Thane runaway together and leave Ebony to die? I can die happy.

WANTED: A MISSING PLOT

This book seems to be missing a plot. Half way through the book Jordan and Ebony have only met once and nothing else is happening.  There is a lot of world building going on but NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Nothing happens until the last 1/4^th of the book and by then I was bored to death. It’s SLOW.

I think this book was only an introduction into this world and that exciting stuff is to come later on in the series but the last 1/4^th couldn’t redeem the book for me. It had the opposite effect. It made me despise the book.

At this point all I want is for the Evil Prince to kidnap Ebony and destroy her. I don’t think I can read the sequels after what this book did to me. I’ll admit to secretly wanting to know who she ends up with (if it’s Thane this book was… I don’t even know what to say because it was already a waste of my time).

All I really want right now is a good book and tons of comfort food and maybe a hug.