Movie Review: Unfriended

One of the most annoying Skype conversations, I don’t think the writer for this film actually thought about how hard it is to converse with several people on skype. Not only does the image not work and makes you look ridiculous but the amount of times the audio fails and you need to start shouting to your companion about whether or not the sound is working.

Although I must say that this is a rather clever idea of using modern technology to create a somewhat horror movie, it has already been shown by Modern Family to have worked wonders and they managed to work with their Apple products and produce something much more clear and interesting in a half an hour than this movie.

We are met with a story about a girl killing herself on school ground after a video of her is posted online. The video looked ridiculous. I do understand that cyber bullying is serious but on first glance the video posted proved no threat to the girls social status. So the movie begins with the couple’s questionable sex skype session. Where Blaire decides to show off her inner leg. Soon the couples friends join the conversation and noticed someone out of the circle called billie227.

So the creepy thing starts when none of them could get rid of the silent person after countless of tries. I didn’t even know a ghost could control your computer and Skype session.

Anyway so the group get talking and soon some very terrible facebook hacking happens and one girls dies. That’s when it begins, they realize that Billie227 is actually their dead friend that they bullied. The story continues with how they each had something to do with it, reveling secrets ect.

The fact that the Skype call was made realistic annoyed me, I mean yes well done for making this a realistic call but no one wants to see all the actors superbly pixilated!

You cannot even imagine how annoyed I was by the fact that the conversation was flowing UNTIL Blaire clicked on facebook or messenger or did something other than being on Skype. All of a sudden the conversation stops. Noone is talking and they are just sitting there staring at the screen; so clearly she is the life of the party. The goodytwo shoes is not only incredibly needy with her boyfriend (I mean she messaged him about 8 times when he didn’t reply!) but she is also handed everything to her. She opens a webpage about not reading a message from a dead person and luckily for her it shows exactly all the steps she must take in order to get rid of it.

The film was in time with us, meaning that we had to endure all the minutes in real life when the movie was incredibly boring. 

Fantastically the movie wasn’t bad. It was fun to watch, it was hilarious; I jumped once and it was just the fact that the sound was incredibly loud.

So if you are hoping to be scared from this 21^st century movie you have another thing coming, I hope you are prepared for the pixelated actors staying still and blaming each other for someones suicide.

Two stars for the horror, three for the comedy and four for the idea. 

Movie Review: Vampire Academy

I am one of the biggest Vampire Academy fans out there I think. I have been in love with the whole series since about 2009? I honestly don't remember exactly when I first read the book but I remember crying and laughing and loving this whole world. I even remember finishing the very last page of the last book and crying my eyes out.

Anyway. I wasn't at all happy that a movie was being made, first off all there are far too many books in the series; second of all there is too much going on in each of the books to be squished into a 104 minute long film.
There were things that were okay during the movie but I didn't enjoy it. I never expected to enjoy the movie. It was okay...

The Actors 
I'm sure individually they are all great actors and have done fantastic things. But seriously. I would never have pictured Lucy Fry as Lissa; not in a million years, her adaptation of the princess was so bland and rather boring. I have never even heard of Danila Kozlovsky who played the handsome Dimitri Belikov. Again his acting and portrayal of the hot teacher was nothing like I pictured. First of all I think Danila was a poor choice as he doesn't exactly look like the character, not only that but he seemed to have a stick up his crap hole most of the movie. I know that Dimitri is all serious and business but in the books we get to see him be fun and not at all boring! The only person that I think was able to capture the character was Dominic Sherwood who played Christian Ozera. I don't know if it was because he wasn't in the movie that much or if he was the only actor who looked up what the character was like.

And don't even get me started on how they interacted with each other. This was meant to be a film not a high school play gone terribly wrong.

The Comedy
Mark Waters who produced Mean Girls, Freaky Friday ect was in charge of this movie. As much as I love comedies, making VA one was the biggest mistake that could have possibly been done. The story is about friendship, and family and an ancient race of vampires not about who can make the most jokes in a minute. Rose's character was the worst. I have never seen a worst adaptation of a character! In the books Rose is a funny, sometimes arrogant girl who puts her bestfriend before anything! Whereas in the movie she's an annoying teenage girl who just wants to crack wise jokes and try to make fun of literally everything! I still cannot believe that this was made into a comedy! It's insane.

The whole vampire business
Ever since Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood made everyone sick of vampires (not me) I think the producers and writers of this movie tried to take a comedy spin on the whole vampire things. AGAIN. A BAD MISTAKE. At the beginning Rose mentions Twilight and how Moroi don't sparkle. That wasn't at all necessary, not mentioning it would have actually made the movie slightly better.

The voice over
As I mentioned before, a lot of things happen in the books. There are also people that are stupid enough that go and see the movie without reading the books (and yes I am being a hypocrite as I have seen a movie without reading the book first before) Therefore a lot of things needed to be explained in a short amount of time. Was it done in a short amount of time? Yes. Was it explained? No. I have read the book. I love the book. I know the bloody book. AND SOMEHOW I WAS CONFUSED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE!! The voice over that was meant to explain the academy, and what happened did nothing but confuse. I'm not even going to mention the random jump cuts.

They suck
Yup. Okay. It's a vampire thing I get it, they suck at school. Yup vampire thing. Yup. However! For someone like me who just so happens to have a very dirty mind the first thing that comes to mind isn't the vampire thing. IT'S SOMETHING ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT! DO YOU SEE MY POINT?!?!?!?!?

The romance
For those of you who have seen the movie you might be screaming at your screens *Paulina what do you mean the romance? There was no romance* and you will be totally right! The whole point of Dimitri and Rose training was so that they could fall in love! The whole point of Christian and Lissa being up in the church was so that they could fall in love!!!! The only part where you could sort of see that Dimitri wanted Rose was while she was wearing the charmed necklace which just so happened not to be a rose... The whole point of the charm was that it would only work if both of the people were already crushing on each other. Their relationship did nothing, it was just training and oops I'm on top of you randomly.
At least if everything was screwed up but the main part of the story was there I could have been happy but no. Everything had to be turned to poop.


And on this note I will leave it. The film was okay at some bits, about 20 minutes of the film but apart from that I wish it was never turned into a movie. The books were perfect and didn't need to be ruined like this.

Movie Review: Carrie

I recently got the book by Stephen King but I decided to watch the new Carrie movie before reading it. Just because the book will hopefully be better and movies are always worse than the books. But I found this movie to be pretty terrible to be honest. 

I hardly remember the version made in 1976 because I was so young watching it (my parents were weird and let me watch horror movies when I was a child) but I remember liking it. The newer version however I found to be really terrible... 

I don't know why but I don't like Chloe Grace Moretz who plays Carrie; I don't like her acting and that might be why I didn't enjoy the movie so much, it wasn't just in this movie that I found her performance to be boring but in other movies too. 

The book/movie is about a young girl who is sheltered all her life by her over the top religious mother, making her an easy target for bullies. Whilst at prom she is humiliated and drenched in pigs blood after being crowned prom queen so as a normal teenager who just faced the horror of prom she unleashes telekinesis  terror upon her town. A natural reaction I guess. 

It's obviously not the plot I was disappointing by or the amazing Ansel Elgort who plays Tommy. It was the camera shots and the scene cutting that just made the film seem uninteresting to me. But also the lack of horror. This was awarded a 15 age rating in the UK with Woman In Black being rated a mere 12A which I found to be much more scary. 

So in total. I wasted 100 minutes watching this movie that I was hyped up for. If it wasn't for Ansel Elgort I would have probably cried about the fact that I watched this remake, but also I feel super silly for thinking this was going to be somewhat scary and actually asking my brother to watch it with me (which he didn't). I'm still surprised that this version got a rating of 6/10 on IMDb while the 1976 version got a 7.4/10 rating. 

 So I'm giving this film a two. I despised the movie but I have to give credit to some of the scenes that made me giggle and weren't too bad.

The Host Movie

So as we all know the Host recently came out as a movie... And I just wanted to share my thoughts about the crapness of the precious hours I've spent watching the horrible movie.

I cannot be the only one thinking that turning The Host by Stephenie Meyer into a movie was a big mistake. Right? I mean come one. Right…

I loved/liked the book, I thought it was a really good idea and I just liked it and I was gaining faith in Stephenie’s writing… Look at my review of the book here.

For starters, what is up with Saoirse Ronan (Plays Melanie/Wanda) in this movie… She looks like she’s about 12… Why was she picked to play this role? I have nothing against her personally but she isn’t the Mel that I’ve pictured. And her acting here is a little bit weird. Reminded me of Kristen Steward with her awkward stances, her posture, and the way she was acting around other people. Just no. Go be awkward somewhere else!

From the beginning I knew that this was going to be poop. The book itself is long and many things happen that need to be included for the story to make sense. Everything was rushed and too many things missing. Wanda didn’t make a connection with neither Ian nor Jamie which is key, without a connection to them she wouldn’t be there she’d be dead somewhere. There was no hate for Wanda not even from Kyle who was meant to be trying to kill her every chance he got but nope just one little I’m-going-to-kill-you scene. The one thing that I was happy with was the part where Wanda loses Mel in her head for three days. I would have flipped if this wasn’t in there or they somehow ruined this for me. That was one of my favourite bits in the book- although I feel bad for Ian the poor guy had to watch the girl he was falling in love with kiss the dude that the girl inside the girl was in love with. Erm yeah.

At least Max Irons and Jake Abel are hot. I guess that is a plus right? I mean imagine if they looked like trolls.

I don’t understand why there was such a hype and need for this to be a movie… Is it because of Twilight? Or did they just want to ruin the book for everyone?

The whole movie was just ugh. I don’t see how Wanda was played by Emily Browning at the very end… She is not someone that I would have picked to play her! At all, just no. Pick someone more Wanda like.

I still can’t get over how terrible the movie was! Too much stuff was missing, too many things were wrong, too many annoying bits. Another thing that annoyed me… The relationship with Wanda and Mel. Mel hates her and tells her so and within a minute she loves her and are sisters. Where was the bonding?! Who wrote the script for the movie like seriously. Do they not know that bonds need to be formed before you’re ready to go sacrifice yourself else?

Like seriously. What. Did. I. Watch.

Holy Mary and the donkey that carried her to Bethlehem I cannot believe I waited for this movie! I was so excited during the book to find out how they did some of my favourite scenes and they mucked all it up! 

 The movie was meant to be chocolate chip ice cream but instead we got mud covered in crap. 

It gets a star because of Max and Jake... No other reason!